Pelvic pain, insomnia, hunger, indigestion, difficulty breathing, lack of comfortable positions, clothes don’t fit, heat is over coming me and yet I am still excited. Am I crazy? Maybe. I am almost 37 weeks pregnant now and can’t wait to meet our little one. There are such mixtures of joy and fear.
I am excited to expand our family but she still has to make it to the outside world. Right now there isn’t much I can screw up. I just eat and drink and sleep. She doesn’t need to be fed, changed or calmed. She can’t choke or stop breathing.
Everyone says it will come natural and I will be great at motherhood. I hope they are right. I am ready for the adventure to begin, though I don’t know that I can ever say I am ready for her to come.
The closer I get to giving birth the more I wish my mother was here to share it with me. There is a special bond that a mother and daughter have when the daughter becomes a mother herself. I have seen this all around me as I have been pregnant. People have tried to be supportive and help fill in some of the spots of my mom but there is no replacement. I know that in the emotion of delivery this will only become more of a reality. I will only be able to guess what she would say or how she would have reacted. One thing is for sure, it makes me miss her so much more. Faith will never fully be able to understand the amount of love and joy her grandma had for her before she was even born. I suppose that is one of the many symbols of her name….Faith. Faith in the love that God has for her even if she can’t physically feel the hugs and kisses. Faith in a God that is good and righteous even though she might see her mom cry from missing grandma. Faith….may it be her strength.
