I entered the motherhood club two weeks ago tomorrow. I now see why there is such a camaraderie amongst mothers. Towards the end of my pregnancy I became a bit anxious about the delivery portion that would be happening soon. Little did I know I should have focused my anxiety on everything that would happen after that. I was blessed to only have a 17 hour labor with only 10 minutes of pushing. Though the laboring had some bumps in the road (4 attempts at an epidural taking an hour, baby compressing the chord needing fluid to be put back in the uterus, meconium when the water broke and the epidural being completely gone when the pushing needed to begin), I am blessed to say that I was surrounded by a great team and support system.
People will tell you stories of how horrible their labor and delivery was but the true difficulty is the new anxiety of knowing that you are now in charge of this small precious person that depends on you for literally everything. People came and went throughout the days that followed and as they left in the night I was struck with the reality of my night just beginning. Unfortunately, Jeff was really sick starting the day I went into labor. He badly wanted to help but also needed to rest in order to be of any help. He went home and slept as my room filled with people and came back, blue mask and all, when the people faded.
Faith (the new bundle of joy) had jaundice and on day two needed to be put on a blanket that had UV rays to fight the jaundice. She had to wear a covering over her eyes and hated every moment of it. As a mother it was heart wrenching to see your child struggle and fight something that you know she needs. The only other thing that could help her was to breastfeed in order to “poop out the jaundice”. No one tells you how difficult breastfeeding can be for a first time mother. Your milk takes time to come in, and until then you and baby are trying to learn each other in order to make it as painless as possible. Let’s just say there were some great nurses who really helped and some nurses who did more damage. As a mother you wonder if you are doing things right, and then you wonder if there even is a “right”.
It seems that everyone wants to tell you what you should and shouldn’t be doing with your baby. The really confusing part is that they will all contradict each other. Hold the baby as much as you want you need to bond, don’t hold the baby or you will spoil it, give the pacifier to sooth the baby, don’t give the pacifier or you will confuse her, keep her on a feeding schedule, feed on demand when she is hungry, co-sleep, don’t co-sleep, etc. You get the picture. As someone who wants to make sure I am doing everything to the best of my ability this was a real struggle. If anything that I have learned over the past couple of weeks it is that there is not always a right or a wrong and people are going to give their advice whether you ask for it or not. I have to continue to listen to my own instincts. Newborn 101 feed them, change them, protect them. Why do we have to make it more difficult?
